


Yes Probably

by thatzodiacsky



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 02:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2675711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatzodiacsky/pseuds/thatzodiacsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shintaro can't seem to figure out if Seto and Kano are dating, or just really, really close.  Warnings for Shintaro's internalized homophobia and also his weird rambling tangents.  More of a comedy than anything.  Tagged pairings are pretty much only mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes Probably

It hit Shintaro like a lightning bolt one morning as he slouched his life away on the couch in the main room.  

_"Holy shit,"_  he thought,  _"are they gay?"_

'They', of course, was Seto and Kano, and Shintaro honestly could not tell.  From where he sat he could both see and hear the two of them in the hallway, Seto's bouncing laughter almost blotting out Kano's teasing comments.  Seto had somehow gotten his hood turned inside out, it seemed, and as Shintaro watched, aghast at the display of affection, Kano reached up to fix it.  

It wasn't the action in itself that Shintaro found shocking-- fixing someone's clothing was fairly innocent, all things considered.  But there was something about it, in the way Seto leaned down without Kano needing to ask, and the way neither of them paused in their conversation, that seemed strange to Shintaro.  And they  _were_ pretty close.  Shintaro had thought it was weird that a bunch of teenagers were living alone together, but he'd wondered at the time if either of them were sleeping with Kido.  Now it seemed like that might not be the case after all.  As Shintaro watched, Kano patted the adjusted hood down, and then reached up with a grin to brush his fingers through Seto's bangs, combing out nonexistent tangles.  Seto took it with good humor, bumping Kano's hand away gently with his head.

Shintaro didn't know what to do.  Of course, he wasn't the sort of person to judge someone for being gay. Right? Right? But what if they broke up, and one of them fell in love with him-- Shintaro was suddenly reminded, with considerable discomfort, Seto rubbing his back at the amusement park.  Shintaro and Kano didn't get along one bit, but that didn't mean he was going to help Seto cheat on Kano! Oh god, Shintaro was the other woman, this was all his fault, they would kick him out of the dan and he would go back to having no friends and Ene would never let him hear the end of it.

Wait. That didn't matter. It didn't matter if they were gay and dating because Shintaro was not gay and was not dating either of them. It was okay. It was all going to be okay.

In the hallway, Kano had given up on trying to fix Seto's hair, and he gave him a cheesy thumbs up.  It was so ridiculous-- what were they, four years old?-- that Shintaro was almost able to push the idea from his mind, at least until Ene popped on his phone and said slyly, "My, those two sure are close!"

As much out of surprise from her sudden appearance as from horror, Shintaro gave a loud shriek, accidentally sending his cellphone flying.  Ene screamed too as she sailed through the air, and Shintaro saw his cellphone's life flash before his eyes.

At least before Kido somehow appeared out of nowhere (she was always doing that) and caught his phone in midair.

"Watch it," she warned, handing the phone back.  Shintaro clutched it to his chest protectively, as though it was his newborn child.  "Is being careless with your phones a Kisaragi family trait?"

Before Shintaro could voice his vehement disagreement with this statement, Momo's voice rang out from behind Kido.  "Danchouuuu! Don't be mean.  It wasn't even my fault when mine died."  

Pouting mightily, Momo leaned over the back of the couch, reaching over to poke at the screen of Shintaro's phone.  "Plus, he should be even more careful than me. His phone is a home for Ene too, you know!"

"That's right!" Ene replied, having gotten over her previous terror.  "Master, how dare you throw a delicate girl like me in the air? I'll get you for that!"  

Her shrill voice was giving Shintaro a headache, and this whole scene was becoming more and more like a nightmare.  His horror only skyrocketed when Kano reappeared, folding himself over the back of the couch in clear mockery of Momo's posture. She didn't seem to notice.

"Shame on you, Shintaro," he drawled, and Shintaro wondered if Kano really and truly hated him.  "For scaring poor, sweet Ene, and for spying on our private moment just now."  He was probably kidding, and Shintaro couldn't decide if he wanted to refute the idea that Ene could ever be poor or sweet, or if he wanted to question how serious Kano was about calling something like that a private moment.

In the end, he did neither of these things, instead covering his face and uttering a low groaning noise.  Why did they always have to gang up on him?  Even now, Kido was giving Momo a fond and approving look before turning to leave the room.  These kids really were a pain...

...

As usual, Shintaro had nearly managed to push all memory of his mortification out of his head.  Ene was always traumatizing him anyway, so it wasn't as though there was anything to make this particular incident stick out in his mind.

He grew used to sitting around in the base when he couldn't take the silence of his own room anymore, or when Ene grew to be too much to bear and he came looking for someone else to push her off on for a few hours.  

On one of those days, when he'd argued with Ene for over an hour about some trivial thing he didn't even remember (and honestly she was probably right. That was the trouble of fighting with a girl who had google literally at her fingertips) he found the door unlocked, but the base suspiciously quiet.

"Hello...?"

Shintaro wondered if there'd been a robbery.  Maybe he should call the police.  Maybe he should apprehend the thief himself, and the others would be so grateful when they came back and found out Shintaro had saved, uh...

Distracted trying to think of anything they owned worth stealing, Shintaro jumped a foot in the air when a loud snore floated down the hall.  Maybe the intruder had fallen asleep?

He crept into the main room, cursing himself for not grabbing anything for self defense. To his surprise, he found not a thief, but Seto and Kano, fast asleep on the couch. Together. 

God, they were  _cuddling._

Not so much like lovers, but Kano was tucked under Seto's chin like a favorite stuffed animal, his own face hidden in Seto's shirt.  Seto, with all his height, took up the entire couch, and Kano looked laughably small on top of him.  Shintaro found himself idly wondering if that was even comfortable.  Surely Kano was all elbows and knees, sharp angles that would dig into his stomach or chest... Not that he'd ever want to cuddle with Kano like that, but it just seemed ill thought out.

Shintaro wondered if he should wake them.  It was the middle of the day, after all.  Who slept at this time of day? And besides, Seto was always rushing off to work somewhere or other. Didn't he have somewhere to be? 

They looked so peaceful, though-- or at least Seto did, even though it was him had been snoring so loudly just now.  Shintaro almost felt bad for calling out when he let himself in earlier, even though it didn't seem to have woken them at all.

Like this, they really looked like kids.  Maybe it was because he couldn't see Kano's sneer.  Yes, Kano really was more sympathetic when Shintaro didn't have to look him in the face. He would be perfectly fine if this turned out to be a trend.

He heard the front door open and jumped in surprise, feet skittering on the floor as he dashed back towards the bathroom, so it wouldn't look like he was standing over the two of them like a murderer.  Thank god Ene was safely in his pocket, and hadn't been watching any of what had just transpired.  What had he been thinking? No matter what suspicions he had about the two of them, it was still creepy to watch people sleep.

Was Shintaro losing his mind?

He entered the bathroom, counted to three, and then re-emerged into the main room just as the girls were getting home.  Kido nodded at him in greeting, a bag of groceries propped on one hip, Momo clinging to her free arm.  Mary too carried a paper bag of what looked like bread, and as she entered the room and caught sight of the two on the couch, she uttered a soft 'ah', setting the bag down in the middle of the floor. Then she climbed on top of the pile, making herself at home in the groove between Kano, Seto, and the back of the couch.  

It was amazing how easily her fluffy skirts and hair folded up to let her fit into small spaces.  Shintaro guessed Mary was pretty tiny, after all.

Kido rolled her eyes but let her be.  "Shintaro, grab that shopping bag and bring it into the kitchen for me.  Momo, can you put these in the bathroom for me?"  She handed Momo a few of the non-food necessities she'd purchased, including soap and a box of tissues.  Shintaro felt a little confused.  Didn't Kido usually call his sister 'Kisaragi'?  Maybe it was less confusing this way.

Following instructions, Shintaro scooped the abandoned bag of groceries up from the floor.  He was worried that it would be heavy, but it turned out to be pleasantly light.  He guessed it would have to be, if Mary had been the one carrying it.

He followed Kido into the kitchen, depositing his bag on the counter.  She set hers down as well, but then turned to Shintaro, an urgent expression on her face.  He took a step backwards in surprise.

"Shintaro," she started, stepping forward to close the distance between them, "I have an important question for you."

"Eh? That's--"

Had she caught him standing over her friends like a creeper? Maybe the real intruder here was him.  Shintaro started to stammer, trying to conjure an excuse.

"It's about Momo," Kido said, overriding whatever he was trying to say.  She seemed to be psyching herself up to say something, with her fists clenched and a business-like expression on her face. "I--"

"Danchou!"

The kitchen door flew open and Kido jumped, her face flooding red as Momo leaned in, soap in one hand.  "There's already one by the sink, so does this just go in the cupboard?"

It seemed like a simple question to Shintaro, but Kido looked like she'd been asked to explain the meaning of life.  "Uh, ah... yes, that should be fine," she managed at last.

"Great!"  Momo disappeared around the door again, and the kitchen was silent for several long seconds.

Shintaro wondered if he was off the hook.

"Hmph. Never mind," Kido muttered, sweeping past him to unpack the groceries with a fierce expression.

Shintaro had no idea what that was about, but he didn't care, and took the opportunity to flee the kitchen.  He wasn't getting thrown out, and that was what really mattered here.

...

Three days later and Shintaro still hadn't figured out if Seto and Kano had a secret relationship-- or possibly a not-so-secret relationship.  Was it possible that everyone knew except for him?  Shintaro rehearsed in his head the best way to accept it when the truth came out, in a way that indicated he was very supportive but utterly uninterested.  He still hadn't quite figured out how to say it.

It was driving him insane though, as he sat across the table from the two of them and tried not to speculate too hard.  Just seconds ago Seto had reached out for Kano and dragged him down into the chair, and he was now talking Kano's ear off with a cheerful expression.  Kano mostly looked amused, and hadn't resisted his sudden abduction.

Seto hadn't yet released his grasp on Kano's arm, and as he talked his fingers rubbed and tapped idly at the inside of Kano's wrist.  Shintaro knew Seto had trouble being still in general, but even this was somehow a little bit intimate, the way Seto was almost fiddling with Kano's arm as he chatted away.  Shintaro was pretty sure if that happened to him he wouldn't be able to resist yanking his arm from Seto's grip. 

Seto was a touchy-feely person, but really. This was going too far.

"Are you guys a thing?" Shintaro blurted, without even thinking about it.  A split second later, horror flooded through him.  What if they said yes! He hadn't figured out what to say in response yet!

"A thing?"  Seto repeated, a curious but interested expression on his face.  He didn't seem to mind being interrupted one bit, and in fact seemed happy to have Shintaro join their conversation.

"A thing?" Kano asked at the exact same time, and his inflection couldn't have been more different if they'd practiced.  Shintaro could practically feel him laughing at him. Wasn't it a valid question?

The silence hung between them as Shintaro tried desperately to think of a way out of this situation.  Seto obviously didn't know what he meant, and Kano obviously did.  It seemed like he was stuck.

After a second, Kano spoke, sliding his wrist from Seto's grasp like a magician slipping from a pair of handcuffs. With a sly smile he turned his hand to hold Seto's, who only grinned and laced their fingers together.  "Not really.  I wouldn't have a problem with it, though."

Seto still seemed cheerfully oblivious, and Shintaro couldn't tell if Kano was being serious or teasing him. He felt like screaming.  This situation couldn't get any more embarrassing.

"Guess what!" Momo announced from behind him, and Shintaro twisted in his chair, dully prepared to be proven wrong.

Momo and Kido were standing in the doorway, arms linked together.  Kido was red faced and seemed to be avoiding eye contact, but Momo looked as though she'd just won the lottery.

"Kido asked me out!" she said, and then added in case they still didn't get it, "We're dating!"

Shintaro fell off his chair.

Later when Kido had fled and Seto had helped Shintaro back into his chair, and Momo and Kano were laughing about something in the other room, Shintaro pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Ene," he whispered, voice hoarse.  "Are you gay? Are we all gay?" A thought occurred to him, and after the past few days it was impossible to dismiss. "Am  _I_ gay?"

Her tinny laughter echoed throughout the room, and she gave him a devilish grin. 

"I think you'll have to figure that one out for yourself, Master."


End file.
